The Longshots, hm, ya think?

Ever had an espresso merchant call you “hun” before you have the chance to order? It’s disconcerting…especially when you’re dressed like a 13 year-old boy. Until caffeine dispensing establishments start selling hashbrowns and T-bone steak 24/7, espresso merchants have no jurisdiction over pet names. There will be no “honey,” no “sugar,” no “sweetie,” or “hun” or “sweat pea” or “cocoa puffs” from you, mister.

And now for my next trick:

My reactions while watching the trailer :

1. Ooo I have to see it.

2. Hmmm, I think it’s one of those previews that show you the whole movie.

3. Maybe I won’t see it.

4. What? What?!

And then after going to the film’s IMDB page for more information, I was stunned to see the director credit. Not to suggest that the director shouldn’t expand his artistic repertoire, but the disconnect is too great. As is the case with other genre films, you’ve seen one sports movie, you’ve seen nearly the lot of them. The Longshots doesn’t appear to offer anything new; instead, it brings more. More issues–gender roles and family dynamics (based on the trailer alone, I can confidently hypothesize that as the protagonist learns to channel her emotions onto the field and prove to critics that a girl can play football [and be quarterback no less], she is developing a healthier view of paternal figures). Since the main characters are in middle school and not high school, sexual harassment needn’t be addressed. Perhaps when this movie comes out on DVD, I’ll watch it alongside Little Giants (Duwayne Dunham, 1994).

You can’t pitch to Johnny.

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