Daily Archives: October 27, 2008

Off Topic: When people or you have to go

as in leave the premises or quit, there are some pretty clever and snarky remarks to be made. In the same flavor of When people go lame, I bring to you:

From the chapter on You’re Fired

Tell someone their services are no longer needed:

“Think of this as your a get-out-of-jail-free card.”

“Some day soon you may want to use me as a reference.”

“These are the days I hate being a boss, but I won’t be your boss much longer.”

“We’ll both be happier when you’re free to pursue your other interests.”

“Don’t think of this as a closed door; look at it as an open window.”

“This comes from both the top and the bottom. The middle had no opinion.”

From the chapter I Quit

Tell everyone you will no longer be offering your services:

“The bad news is that I’m leaving; the good news is that I’m giving you twelve months’ notice.”

“I look forward to training my replacement.”

“I’ve learned so much from you that it’s time to start my own business.”

“Though this job has been financially and emotionally rewarding, I can no longer deny my dreams.”

“I’m disavowing capitalism.”

“I’ve accepted a position that doesn’t require me to wear a uniform.”

“It’s my goal to have a dozen careers by the time I’m fifty.”

“I’m losing my identity in your corporate image.”

“You don’t recycle.”

“I’m just a number to you.”

“This job isn’t exactly the goldmine you promised.”

From the chapter Letting Go of the Help

Tell a provider that their services are no longer needed:

“I can analyze my own dreams.”

“I always leave feeling worse than when I came in.”

“Your couch is lumpy.”

“You don’t validate for parking.”

“It appears you skipped the bedside manner class in medical school.”

“I found a second opinion I liked better.”

“I found a dentist who lets me watch DVDs during treatment.”

From the chapter Romance is Dead

Tell someone you’re moving on or don’t even want to begin:

“I’d only be going out with you to make my ex jealous.”

“You’re geographically or otherwise undesirable.”

“No need to go any further–I googled you.”

“Dogs are great judges of character and mine doesn’t like you.”

“I’m really busy for the next few years.”

“What could possibly have made you think I would go out with you?”

“It’s funny–I don’t even want to be friends.”

“I need to discover who I am without you.”

“You’re way out of my league.”

“I woke up beside you and knew it was wrong.”

“Now that I’m not medicated, I realize that I don’t need you anymore.”

“I’ll never convert for you.”

“I’m having some sort of allergic reaction.”

<~>

Get more goodies here.

I’ve also added a new link to the Net Gems section. It’s a web site called Intuitor Insultingly Stupid Movie Physics to devoted to the discussion of how science is affected by films that demand viewers suspend disbelief. You’ll learn more than just “real” science. Here’s a bit on cigarettes.