When was the last time you received a mass-emailed (more than ten names of people you know or more than five names of people you don’t know) forward? Depending on the regular pool of senders in your inbox, perhaps it was the other day, the other week, or some years ago. Mine was this morning.
A good friend of mine forwarded to me some random thoughts and observations that another friend had sent her. Here are my favorites (my extra favorites, the ones I personally can relate to or find exceptionally insightful, are in magenta):
~@~ Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re
going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to
be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the
direction from which you came, you have to first do something like
check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to
yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re
crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
~@~ I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
~@~ Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.
~@~ There is a great need for sarcasm font.
~@~ I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little
bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.
~@~ I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring in my groceries.
~@~ How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?
~@~ I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
~@~ What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
~@~ MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
~@~ Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
~@~ Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
~@~ I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
~@~ If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would
probably just be completely invisible.
~@~ Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem…
~@~ Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.
~@~ There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
~@~ Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…
~@~ Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
~@~ It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
~@~ I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.