Monthly Archives: September 2009

Off Topic: Yoo said it, not ming

In the spirit of the email Forward and If Johnny Unitas and Michael Jordan were all shook up, I introduce to you a new obsession of mine:  Yoo said it, not ming.


A coworker and I were talking one day and decided to replace every “me” in conversation with “ming.”  For example, “Don’t talk to ming that way.”  It quickly led to all sorts of phrases where the “me” was swapped for “ming.”  I later added “lee” for “leave” and “yoo” for “you.”

“Don’t look at ming that way.”

“Yoo lee ming alone.”

“Did you lee ming a loan?”

“But you promised ming!  Why do you always lie to ming?”

“Yoo better thank ming now.”

“Get ming some coffee.”

“Could you stay with ming tonight?”

“Yoo said you’d never lee ming.”

“I’m not going to tell yoo again; give ming back my book.”

And then I applied it to song lyrics.

Yoo ask ming if I love yoo, and I choke on my reply, I’d rather tell yoo honestly than mislead yoo with a lie.

Somewhere out there, beneath the pale moon light.  Someone’s thinking of ming and loving ming tonight.

Yoo were so blind to let ming go.  Yoo had it all but did not know.  No one you’ll find will ever be closer to all your dreams than ming.

Tell ming how you want it to be, tell ming, baby, cause I need to know.

Love ming, love ming.  Say that you love ming.  Fool ming, fool ming, go on and fool ming.

If yoo lee ming now, you’ll take away the very heart of ming.

Saying ‘I love yoo’ is not the words I want to hear from yoo, it’s not that I want to, not to say but if yoo only knew how easy it would be to show ming how yoo feel.

Tell ming what it takes to let yoo go, tell ming how the pain’s supposed to go.  Tell ming how it is that yoo can sleep in the night without thinking yoo lost everything that was good in your life to the toss of the dice.

Don’t try to tell ming what to do, don’t try to tell ming what to say, you’re better off that way.

And I wanna believe you, when you tell ming that it’ll be okay.  And I try to believe yoo, but I don’t.

Madame Gaston, can’t yoo just see it? Madame Gaston, his little wife.  No, sir.  Not ming. I guarantee it.  I want much more than this provincial life.

Hanging around, nothing to do but frown.  Rainy days and Mondays always get ming down.

Why do birds suddenly appear every time yoo are near? Just like ming, they long to be close to yoo.

They call yoo Lady Luck, but there is room for doubt.  At times yoo have a very un-lady like way of running out . You’re on a date with ming.

Drew looks at ming.  I fake a smile so he won’t see.

If yoo could see that I’m the one who understands yoo, been here all along, so why can’t yoo see, yoo belong with ming.

NFL 2009: Patriots French onion the Falcons’ soup

Live from Gillette Stadium, an entourage of Atlanta Falcons led by second year pro Matt Ryan going nose-to-nose with a corral of New England Patriots fronted by a seasoned but recently healed Tom Brady.  Who’s going to take home the turkey bacon?  The hot, char siu bao?

Televised by Fox, with voice-over narration provided by Joe Buck and Troy Aikman, the Falcons scored first with a field goal.  When the Patriots had their first offensive turn, the Falcons’ defense kept them to a field goal.  Atlanta 3 and New England 3.  The second quarter started with the Falcons doing what they could defensively (preventing one TD) but unable to stop the one that running back Fred Taylor put in the end zone.  New England 10 and Atlanta 3.  Back to back coach challenges followed.  Falcons head coach Mike Smith threw the red and won (Matt Ryan’s pass was actually incomplete and not fumbled).  Patriots HC Bill Belichick challenged whether or not Falcons wide receiver Michael Jenkins made the catch and had control of the ball a couple plays later.  Belichick lost the challenge.  And then, Falcons running back Michael Turner leaned his way to break the plane for a TD.  Atlanta 10 and New England 10.  The Patriots’ defense met Michael Turner would just enough momentum that he lost the ball.  Luckily for the Falcons, their defense was again able to keep the Patriots to a field goal.  Going into halftime, New England 13 and Atlanta 10.

The third quarter started with another Patriots field goal.  New England 16 and Atlanta 10.  How would the Falcons respond?  A TD catch by wide receiver Michael Jenkins which was nullified due to an offensive interference call.  The third quarter ended with Mike Smith challenging whether or not Patriots running back Sammy Morris was down by contact.  The televised replays suggest that Morris’s right knee hit the ground before the ball came out of his hands.  Smith lost the challenge.

The fourth quarter began with another Patriots field goal.  New England 19 and Atlanta 10.  Their kicker Stephen Gostowski has seen more action than both teams’ offense combined?  Yes, I exaggerate, nonetheless, if it were so far from the truth then the Falcons would only be three to five points down.  So Falcons, what’ll it be?  Would Matt Ryan and his offense be able to perform and get a TD?  Tight end Tony Gonzalez didn’t make his first catch of the game until the top of the fourth quarter!  At 7:47, Patriots tight end Chris Baker made a TD catch.  Grrargh. Hand bags. Okay now,  I have to wonder if Bill Belichick’s hoodie with the cut-off sleeves has cousins.  Does he have a hoodie for each Sunday or does he have just a few and gets them laundered as needed.  New England 26 and Atlanta 10.  Final score.  The first time Matt Ryan and Tom Brady meet and shake hands, Ryan had to concede defeat.

Observations & Miscellania:

1.  Another choppy signal, more pixelated imagery.

2.  The gecko is back in Geico ads?  There was a meeting, a man was making fun of the gecko’s accent, and a woman mentioned she thought the gecko was Australian.

3.  Joe Buck noted to Troy Aikman after the Michael Turner TD in the second quarter that Matt Ryan grew up admiring Brett Favre, likes the Phillies, and watches the Fox show Fringe.

4.  The camera cut to Tom Brady sitting on the sidelines before the first half ended.  Joe Buck remarked, “Tom Brady is very hot.”  Seconds later, there was some slow-motion instant replay of Brady’s hotness.  The words, “What the fck was that…FCK” or some derivation of it could be read from his lips.  There was also a slow motion rendering of Brady walking off the field, saying more words.  It wasn’t until Joe Buck said, “how hard was that” that I was able to make out what was coming out of Brady’s mouth.

6.  Was Falcons cornerback Chris Houston chewing gum?!  The camera cut to him in the bottom of the second quarter and started zooming in very slowly so that I couldn’t even tell if he was standing on the sidelines or on the field.

Get game summary, stats, and play-by-play here.

College Football 2009: Virginia Tech duke nukems Miami

Wading in the water, wading in the water, it rained in Blacksburg as 66,000 watched Virginia Tech’s Hokies hosted Miami’s Hurricanes this afternoon.  Broadcast on ABC, the first quarter began with Hokies tailback Ryan Williams leaped into the end zone for a touchdown.  Virginia Tech 7 and Miami 0 .  SWEET PRISTINE CANDY! Hokies quarterback Tyrod Taylor made an exquisite forty-eight yard throw to wide receiver Jarrett Boykin, who ran twenty or so yard into the end zone completely without threat of a tackle.  Virginia Tech 14 and Miami 0.

Hokies punter Brent Bowden couldn’t get a firm hold on the ball as he was about to punt the ball away in the top of the the second quarter.  The ball fell to the ground, one Hokies player and one Hurricanes player dove for the ball.  Their contact with the field revealed that the grass was very slushy.  Hokies kicker Matt Waldron missed a twenty-five yard field goal with about five minutes left to play.  Oh but what a play that followed.  Hurricanes’ kicker Matt Bosher attempted to punt the ball, which was blocked (thanks to cornerback Jacob Sykes), enabling Hokies Matt Reidy to take the ball into the end zone.  Virginia Tech 21 and Miami 0.

The third quarter saw a much better offensive attack by the Hurricanes.  There was a TD, courtesy of running Javarris James.  Later on, nearing the four minute mark, there was a field goal.  Virginia Tech 24 and Miami 7.  The fourth quarter saw a nicely executed interception by Hokies cornerback Rashad Carmichael.  A few plays later, Ryan Williams made another TD.  Virginia Tech 31 and Miami 7.  Final score.

Observations & Miscellania:

1.  It was raining quite heavily from the start of the game.  Would/has a football coach arrange for his players to practice in a simulated rain game so that they would know how to adjust their balance, grip, and footing in times of wet turf and wet ball?

2.  The Hurricanes’ white jerseys juxtaposed against their green pants made them look like Gatorade sports bottles.  In comparison, the Hokies reminded me of beets.

3.  The TV signal was still patchy.

4.  The commentators, Matt Millen and Sean McDonough, noted in the bottom of the first quarter that Hokies offensive guard Sergio Render enjoys hunting and fishing.

5.  Before one of the commercial breaks in the top of the second quarter, there was a short clip of the Hurricanes in a game from decades past.  The the jerseys were white and the pants were orange  (or was it the other way around).

6.  The stands were filled with a near ROY G. BIV of rain ponchos.

7.  Tyrod Taylor has surpassed Michael Vick’s record of being one Virginia Tech’s all-time rushers?  Was that what the commentators said?

8.  The rain fell harder in the second half of the game.  Sheets of rain.  I hope those players’ feet stayed dry.  The fastest way to get sick is from wearing wet socks.

9.  Miami head coach Randy Shannon has lived through nearly every came-from-the-hood narrative trope cinema and literature have “standardized.”

10.  Did I really see footage of Tyrod Taylor doing a backflip during practice?

11.  Did you know about the Virginia Tech Corps of Cadets?

12.  Wow, those Hokies fans turned the field into a mosh pit. Nice.

Get game summary, stats, and play-by-play here.


College Football 2009: GaTech heats up NC’s night

Steve Martin and Ray “Dog” Walker provided commentary for the game between the North Carolina Tarheels and the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets today at Bobby Dodd Stadium.  Televised on my local CW station,the first score of the game happened in the first quarter with a touchdown by Yellow Jackets Roddy Jones.   The rest of the first quarter and the first half of the second quarter were relatively uneventful.  GaTech’s kicker Scott Blair threw on a thirty-four yard field goal.  GaTech 10 and NC 0.  The Tarheels’ trip to the red zone in the bottom of the second quarter led to a thirty-two yard FG attempt, which Casey Barth missed.

And then I had to go to Target.  I wasn’t able to watch the rest of the game, but GaTech beat NC 24 to 7.  Yellow Jackets quarterback Josh Nesbitt made two TDs in the fourth quarter (the third was score-less).

Observations & Miscellania:

1.  The stands were filled mostly with gold.  There were a few areas of light blue.

2.  The Yellow Jackets wore white jerseys and the Tarheels wore blue ones.

3.  Signal reception was spotty.  More pixelated images.

4.  The Fox Theatre got some on-air name-drop love.

Get game summary, stats, and play-by-play here.

Adjacent Topic: Campfire Tales 5

Colliding with the fourth region.

He pitched up his tent and nestled into the bank of a long-dried river.  His footsteps and exhalations turned over the dirt.  Whispers trapped in air pockets escaped.  His mere presence made things look different.  But before I could wish he’d stay, the tent was gone.


She couldn’t find tire tracks.  Carriage tracks.  Not even steaming clumps of horse manure–and she knew there were horses because she heard them grunting and neighing for eight straight nights.  She had watched the traveling circus from atop the hills.  Music during the moonlit evenings and marionettes kicking balls around were the two constants.  Three nights went by before she was curious enough to go nearer.  She saw a man walk out of the tent on the fourth night.  He was holding a rifle in his right hand and a cigarette in his left.

Don’t smoke so close to the trees, she thought to herself as she kept watching him.   You’ll start a fire.

The man with the rifle flicked the cigarette into the stream in front of him after taking a few more drags.

Why did you do that?  I’ll have to clean up after you now.

The man went back inside the tent.  A few seconds later, a box was flung out onto the ground.  Offended and perplexed, she stood up from behind a tree.  Firm strides brought her down the gravel path to that box.  There was a volleyball, streaked with mud stains and patches of dark red, in it.  She knew it wasn’t the best idea to pick the ball up, but she did it anyway.  Holding the dirty thing close to her nose, she smelled those red splotches.

Iron, just like iron.

She dug around her jacket pockets for the knife she always had on her person.  She sliced the ball in half.  Inside was a piece of paper with writing on it, which read:

She switched off  her TV set and lounged around the edge of the cold mattress.  Her heartbeats and coughs burned voices into memory.  False starts capped by regulation evaporated.   Her austere desires changed the sound of things.  When I finally accepted the clause, the TV set was gone.