Daily Archives: December 4, 2009

Bones, Sports, and Pep Talks

I’ve watched the Fox show Bones only a few times and mostly in segments rather than in full…until tonight.  The reason I decided to watch the entire episode tonight?  Emily Deschanel and David Boreanaz, who play the main characters, were discussing what does and does not constitute a “sport.”  One of the dialogue pieces included Deschanel remarking that “a sport is a competitive activity governed by a set of rules,” which I think covers too many activities.

Anything can become competitive, and winning only means something if there are guidelines.  Boreanaz argued that physical exertion seemed key…and the risk of injury.  For him, chess and fishing are not sports.  Video-gaming couldn’t be either (though John Francis Daley’s character thought differently because of the skill and stamina involved).   Tamara Taylor’s character commented very early in the episode that she didn’t think synchronized swimming was a sport…probably on account of the artistic merit.

This entry isn’t about what is and is not a sport vs. merely a lesiure activty vs. a game.  If physical and mental exertion and sense of competition are essential, couldn’t all games be a sport?  One might as well also be arguing between something being a sport vs. (performing) art.

On to the funny stuff.  Remember my posts about people going lame and people leaving?  I got another one!  It’s called Pep Talks & Picker-Uppers.


The book is separated into six categories: Life Dreams, The Daily Grind, Financial Straits, Romantic Woes, Family Matters, and Self-Esteem.

Here are my favorites from each section:

Life Dreams


– White men can totally jump.
– But bronze oxidizes beautifully!
– Spud Webb was only five foot seven and he dunked like a maniac.
– You’re built for distance, not speed.
– Showing up is 90 percent of the game–and boy did you ever show up!

(Performing Arts)

– You were probably too beautiful for the part.
– So many famous singers have bad voices!
– The acoustics were terrible!
– With audiences, it’s about quality, not quantity.

(Visual arts)

– Gallerists are just failed artists.
– All the best artists have been social rejects.
– Performance art is an act of courage.


– You don’t actually have to write to be a writer.
– The first chapter really wowed me.
– Half the battle is keeping your butt in the chair.
– Your iambic pentameter is so intuitive.
– Nobody got Faulkner, either.
– You could always just blog. (Oh! how self-aware).


– The median age of Nobel Prize winners is 53.7 — you have plenty of time!
– It takes a special person to care for lab animals.
– All astronauts throw up during their first foray into space.


– All publicity is good publicity.
– You kiss babies like nobody’s business.
– Just think of all the citizens who put your signs in their front yards!
– You could always get appointed.

(Unrealized Aspirations)

– It’s not about getting what you want, it’s about wanting what you have.
– Self-knowledge is more important than achievement.


The Daily Grind

(i think I’ll skip this one…track down the book at your local Restoration Hardware store; I got mine at the one at Lenox Mall).

Financial Straits

(skipping this one too)


Romantic Woes


– There’s a lid for every pot.
– Being single is more fun.
– If you’re single, you can’t get divorced.
– This is your time to focus on yourself.
– It’s better to be single than to settle.
– You’re never too old to find love.

(Breakups and Rejections)

– Heartbreak forges character.
– You were too good for her.
– Your intelligence was too threatening.
– It’s better to find out now than when you have a mortgage and kids.


Family Matters


– You can’t live your life for someone else.
– Their judgment says more about them than it does about you.
– You’ll show them.

(Lack of Support)

– Clearly, they’re self-obsessed narcissists.
– They may not support your behavior, but they support you.
– One day they’ll need you.
– They’re just not that into you.


– You’ll have great material for your multivolume memoirs.
– At least you had something to rebel against.
– You wouldn’t be an artist otherwise.
– You’ll do better with your children.
– At least the nannies loved you.
– It’s your nature to overcome your nurture.

(Parenting Insecurities)

– You can’t compare yourself to other parents.
– It’s quality time, not quantity time.
– They won’t remember the first five years anyway.  (Actually, they won’t remember the first year–humans begin forming memories at age two).
– If he didn’t have a leash, he’d run into traffic.
– It’s more important for them to see you happy than to have an intact family.

(Thankless Brats)

– Just wait until they have their own children.
– No good deed goes unpunished.
– They have no idea how much horse camp costs.
– All children take their parents for granted.
– You have to be a parent, not a friend.
– You’re not their maid!
– It’s part of American culture to disrespect one’s elders.
– If they’re not mad at you, you’re not doing your job.

(Horrible Stages and Phases)

– It’s not your fault your child is a biter.
– You have to let them express themselves through their personal appearance.
– He’ll grow out of it.




– At a certain point in your life, sleeveless simply isn’t an option.
– You’re totally in proportion.
– You’ve got such a pretty face.


– Why would you want to look like everyone else?
– If you were beautiful, people would doubt your intelligence.
– Do you know what jolie laide means?


– Your foot may always be in your mouth, but you’re hilarious.
– You don’t come across as cynical–you project brutal realism.
– Everybody else is too sensitive.
– Self-improvement doesn’t work on everybody.


– Not everybody can be Einstein.
– You were born in the wrong century.
– You haven’t let it stop you yet!
– A simple mind is a clear mind.


– You’re above all that.
– What, I’m not enough for you?
– You just won’t thank them in your Oscar acceptance speech.