Off Topic: Re-reading the past

I started keeping a journal when I was in fourth grade.  My handwriting was atrocious and so was half of my spelling, understandably.  Writing this nonfiction becomes the blackbox of my subversions, the drawing board of my premeditations, and the commiserating harlequin to my anxious columbine.  I started a Livejournal in 2004.  I don’t enjoy re-reading my entries from high school on account of all the angst and exuberance.  The posts from my LJ don’t always make sense to me now.  For example, this one dated December 22, 2004.  I have no recollection of coming across that quote.

When I look back over poems I had written, I frequently forget the source of inspiration, such as this one:

Reversal of Fortune

Shimmy off that top hat
set it next to my knee
Slip out of that play pen
sit next to me
Slide off that wrist watch
place it around my ankle
Toss out those hair clips
tack them to my jeans
Cross your legs,
right foot firm to the ground
Shake your arms,
right hand glam to the hips
Absorb this confident stance
Leave prints of unawareness,
superficial to the mind
Tip the mediocre,
keep all zenith to yourself
in shape, in sound
in three-dimensionality
Oblivious
on purpose
Seams drawing outward
bound for opposing corners.

–cc 3 jan 05 9:51pm

~!~

I used to sign my writings with the initials of my full English name, but in the last couple of years I’ve started using my Chinese name, which is Qin (last name) YiQi (first name).  It is pronounced like “peachy” without the “p.”  I’ve only had this particular name for two years.  I was given a different name when I was born, it meant “enigmatic” and suited my personality very well, I thought.  But, a Chinese zodiac expert thought that it didn’t promote the right kind of ch’i.

NewName

I’m going to turn 29 in three weeks.  My 24th birthday was on a Saturday–it snowed then too.   I cannot believe that it’s been five years.  Five years ago I wasn’t a football fan.  But you know what strikes me as even more incredible? I can now name all of the NFL teams in random order but I can’t name all of the Chinese dynasties in random order.   And on that day too, there was a poem whose origin eludes me.  I know it’s an angry one but why?

novice

once the abbey folds
the unfeeling council
holds an unmistakable smile
youll know youve won

another month
of service of warmth
spread unevenly
across toast crunch

onward
perception, illusion
you want to think youre moving
somewhere plans dont waste
precious sleep.

–cc 29 jan 05 8:02pm

~!~

Now, let’s go back to the beginning.  Let me let you read some things from my past:

I cannot walk up hills and talk simultaneously. – 23 january 2003

Watching a kid in his mirror phase is quite amusing.  Whenever he sees his reflection, he gets very excited.  “Look! I see myself!.”  Do we old folks take our reflections for granted? – 24 january 2003

I’m not sure if I liked the movie or not.  As much as Tom Cruise increasingly moves along the annoy-me spectrum, he has the movie star person down to a T.  – 9 august 2004 (Oh, good gourd.  I completely forgot I reacted this way after watching Collateral.)

“It’s hard to compete for a teenage boy’s attention when there’s food involved.” — Vivian Vande Velde

“It’s harder to compete for a college boy’s conversation when there’s beer involved.  It’s impossible to compete with a man’s affection when there are horny people around.” — me  12 november 2004

This one is an oldie:

That’s life for you.  Someone always waiting for someone who never comes home.  Always someone loving something more than that thing loves them.  And after awhile, you want to destroy whatever that thing is, so it can’t hurt you no more.”  — Ray Bradbury

Think there’ll be another world war? or some confrontation between the US and Iraq? — 4 november 1997

I know, eerie.

One thought on “Off Topic: Re-reading the past

  1. Pingback: Off-Topic: Re-reading the past part Dos « Sitting Pugs: Sports Movies

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