Censorship and Some Parts of Speech

I was eating some bitter melon for dinner and the chorus of a certain Bloodhound Gang song started playing in my head.  I did some searching for the lyrics and began thinking about the impact of censoring various parts of speech in this song.  If I were to “white out” the nouns vs. the verbs and then threw in monosyllabic words for fun, which version would produce the least/most references to adult situations?

Here’s the Noun-Censored Version First Verse (meaning all of the nouns and pronouns have been whited-out):

Ha-Ha! Well now, we call this the act of mating
But there are several other very important differences
Between human beings and animals that you should know about

I‘d appreciate your input

Sweat baby sweat* baby, sex is a Texas drought
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about
So put your hands down my pants and I‘ll bet you‘ll feel nuts
Yes I‘m Siskel, yes I‘m Ebert and you‘re getting two thumbs up
You‘ve had enough of two-hand touch you want it rough you‘re out of bounds
I want you smothered want you covered like my Waffle House hashbrowns
Come quicker than FedEx never reach an apex just like Coca-Cola stock you are inclined
To make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time

Here’s the Verb-Censored Chorus (meaning all of the verbs have been whited-out):

Do it now
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin’ horny now

Here’s the Noun-Censored Second verse (meaning all of the nouns and pronouns have been whited-out):

Love* the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt only God knows where we stuck it
Hieroglyphics? Let me be Pacific I wanna be down in your South Seas
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means “Small Craft Advisory
So if I capsize on your thighs high tide, B-5 you sunk my battleship
Please turn me on I‘m Mister Coffee with an automatic drip
So show me yours I‘ll show you mine “Tool Timeyou‘ll Lovett just like Lyle
And then we‘ll do it doggy style so we can both watch “X-Files

Chorus x5

Here’s the Monosyllabic-Word-Censored Version (meaning all words consisting of one syllable have been whited-out):

HaHa! Well now, we call this the act of mating
But there are several other very important differences
Between human beings and animals that you should know about

I‘d appreciate your input

Sweat baby sweat baby, sex is a Texas drought
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about
So put your hands down my pants and I‘ll bet you‘ll feel nuts
Yes I‘m Siskel, yes I‘m Ebert and you’re getting two thumbs up
You’ve had enough of twohand touch you want it rough you’re out of bounds
I want you smothered want you covered like my Waffle House hashbrowns
Come quicker than FedEx never reach an apex just like Coca-Cola stock you are inclined
To make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time

Chorus:
Do it now
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin’ horny now

Love the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt only God knows where we stuck it
Hieroglyphics? Let me be Pacific I wanna be down in your South Seas
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means “Small Craft Advisory”
So if I capsize on your thighs high tide, B5 you sunk my battleship
Please turn me on I‘m Mister Coffee with an automatic drip
So show me yours I‘ll show you mineTool Timeyou‘ll Lovett just like Lyle
And then we‘ll do it doggy style so we can both watchX-Files”

Chorus x5

* These words could function as either nouns or verbs depending on how you interpret them.

I think it’s a tie between the nouns and the verbs and how much they convey “the bad touch.”  Removing the monosyllabic words makes a bigger impact.

Now I’m going to get some deep penetration with nine inch nails down in it.

~!~

Author’s note: I do not advocate censorship of written the word, spoken language, or audiovisual texts.

One thought on “Censorship and Some Parts of Speech

  1. Christopher

    I have this, like, feeling that when whoever wrote these lyrics gets to be middle-aged, he’ll grow (or cut) his hair, put on a suit, buy a spit-level house in the suburbs, vote Republican, and despairingly say things like, “the young people of today, what are they coming to?”

    Reply

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