Side-Effects Include

How many stand-up comedians incorporate into their acts a segment on the ridiculousness of potential side-effects of various prescription medicines compared to the condition these pills are supposed to treat?  How many non-stand-up comedians have pointed out such silliness? I was braiding my hair when an ad for a prescription drug aired on the Travel Channel (most likely during Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern).  The only part of the ad that I remembered was about the potential side-effects, specifically that people who weigh less than 110 pounds would be more likely to experience ulcers or some other digestive discomfort.

I then thought how different life could be if instead of dry mouth, headaches, ulcers, upset stomach, constipation, diarrhea, fainting, nausea, sudden weight gain/loss, loss of appetite, insomnia, shortness of breath, skin rash, blurred vision, drowsiness, cardiac discomfort, and death, common side-effects actually consisted of telepathy, telekinesis, pyrokinesis, levitation, compulsive singing, unprovoked laughter, random reciting of the value of Pi, and the ability to do a triple axel and double toe-loop combination on any surface.

Imagine what being a medicated teenager would be like if puberty involved the paranormal and romance?

That would be so wild.

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