If the New England Patriots and the Baltimore Ravens had a million dollars (right this second), would they buy you a house or a K-car? Probably not. Instead, they would meet on a patch of grass, squat down, crouch in stealth, chase each other, and pull one another to the ground in order to go to the playoffs. Broadcast on CBS, the Ravens went on offense first and running back Ray Rice bolted eighty-three yards down the field for a touchdown on the first play–seventeen seconds into the game. Two plays into the Patriots’ possession, Ravens outside linebacker Terrell Suggs initiated a turnover. The end of that drive produced a touchdown by linebacker Jameel McClain. Baltimore 14 and New England 0. Patriots quarterback Tom Brady threw an interception into the hands of Ravens cornerback Chris Carr in the middle of the first quarter. Rice soon made his second TD of the day. SWEET AND SPICY JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS!!!! Brady threw yet another interception when the Patriots got back on offense. Ravens safety Ed Reed made the turnover catch and tossed the ball to safety Dawan Landry before getting tackled at New England’s thirty-four yard line. The Ravens went with a field goal at the end of that excitement. Baltimore 24 and New England 0.
The second quarter started with the Patriots punting the ball away but none of the Ravens caught the ball. New England cornerback Kyle Arrington recovered the ball in Baltimore’s red zone. The commentators thought the Ravens should’ve challenged the call but also pointed out that Baltimore’s coaches were not close enough to see anything to warrant throwing a red flag. A few plays later, wide receiver Julian Edelman caught a pass for a TD. Baltimore 24 and New England 7. Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco was picked off six minutes into the quarter.
The third quarter appeared to demonstrate more New England solidness, that is until Dawan Landry intercepted Brady six minutes into the quarter. The Ravens increased their score with a field goal Baltimore 27 and New England 7. Several minutes later, Julian Edelman made a second TD. Baltimore 27 and New England 14. The fourth quarter began with the Ravens winning a challenge to get a first-and-goal and a couple plays later, running back Willis McGahee got himself into the end zone. A two-point conversion attempt did not work. Baltimore challenged the unsuccessful try but lost. Halfway through the quarter, Patriots kicker Stephen Gostowski’s kick was no good. Baltimore 33 and New England 14. Final score. The last time the Patriots lost at home was to the Jets in 2006. The Ravens are going to play the Indianapolis Colts next week.
Observations & Miscellania:
1. Jim Nantz and Phil Simms were the commentators. Both men wore dark suits, but Nantz had a purple tie, a lavender shirt, and a dark gray sweater vest. Simms was decked in blue of varying shades for vest, tie, and shirt.
2. Phil Simms noted during the Ravens’ kickoff to the Patriots upon returning from the commercial break that followed Ray Rice’s game-opening TD run that in an interview from the previous night, Rice said that, “I run deceptively quick with speed.” I had no idea what that meant until an extreme high-angle (essentially an overhead view) of the field where the Patriots end zone was at the bottom of the screen. The replay began at the line of scrimmage and as Rice broke through the New England defense and was headed down the field, the “deceptively quick with speed” became apparent in comparing the running of two Patriots that were trying to catch up to Rice. These Patriots’ feet move more rapidly, whereas Rice’s strides were bigger.
3. Jameel McClain did a little step-dance after he stood up in the end zone.
4. Did I just see Peyton Manning and Justin Timberlake speaking really, really bad Mandarin in a Sony TV commercial? Yes, I did. Manning sounded like he was speaking a bizarre smoothie of bad Cantonese and Mandarin. Timberlake sounded like he was only speaking bad Mandarin. It was pretty funny, though. They have inflections in their voices. I think I could teach both of them how to pronounce Mandarin properly.
5. Ravens tight end Todd Heap sustained some kind of injury in the bottom of the fourth quarter. He’s one year and two months older than I.
6. New England head coach Bill Belichick was wearing a beanie. The red and white yarn ball atop of it reminded me of a peppermint candy. Tom Brady also needs to cut his hair.
7. After the game, Ravens head coach Jim Harbaugh ran around the field high-fiving Baltimore fans.
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