Ever since the first time I ever saw a police procedural where a detective buys a cup of coffee on the streets of Manhattan, I’ve been enamored with these blue cups. Today I saw something that momentarily paralyzed me with its awesomeness.
It’s a giant, plush coffee cup with a face! I had to have it.
How many stand-up comedians incorporate into their acts a segment on the ridiculousness of potential side-effects of various prescription medicines compared to the condition these pills are supposed to treat? How many non-stand-up comedians have pointed out such silliness? I was braiding my hair when an ad for a prescription drug aired on the Travel Channel (most likely during Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern). The only part of the ad that I remembered was about the potential side-effects, specifically that people who weigh less than 110 pounds would be more likely to experience ulcers or some other digestive discomfort.
I then thought how different life could be if instead of dry mouth, headaches, ulcers, upset stomach, constipation, diarrhea, fainting, nausea, sudden weight gain/loss, loss of appetite, insomnia, shortness of breath, skin rash, blurred vision, drowsiness, cardiac discomfort, and death, common side-effects actually consisted of telepathy, telekinesis, pyrokinesis, levitation, compulsive singing, unprovoked laughter, random reciting of the value of Pi, and the ability to do a triple axel and double toe-loop combination on any surface.
Imagine what being a medicated teenager would be like if puberty involved the paranormal and romance?
That would be so wild.
Not, the way to San Jose.
Cause I don’t think you know what I feel or how I feel around the water’s edge where we used to cast away our doubts.
Non-homo sapien vertebrates are preferable to humans because all an animal wants to do is to love you, eat you, or mark its territory.
A human, on the other hand, may or may not just want to love, like, adore you or to inflict physical or mental pain on you via theft, betrayal, slander, libel, blackmail, rejection, abandonment, loathing, apathy, or opportunism.
What hurts you more? An animal that pays you no mind or another person that sees right through you and couldn’t care less if you lived or died?
My lone star’s Mustang was idling on the side of the road. A rusted, bandicoot mascot sat all forlorn atop the hood. I opened the trunk and saw a pair of hockey skates. A dark gray puppy was napping in a picnic basket and a gecko was licking its lips. I stepped into dark blue overalls and moistened a cloth to wipe down the one head light, tinted blue to match my lone star’s birthmark bruise. I asked him where he would like to eat dinner, he rubbed the driver side door of his car, as if to sing it a lullaby while we waited for triple A. Triple X was unavailable. Lullaby, my child, it could take a while. I asked him again where he wished to eat; I chose last time. Once more he put a reassuring caress to his car. I took my lone star’s face in my hands and smiled.
Some day, I’d like to say, “This Mustang saved my life.”
The above is a work of fiction that came to me while watching the local news. CBS Atlanta — they ask the tough questions!
Watching Criminal Minds in syndication on Ion Television makes me wonder whether or not we human beings would be less inclined to hurt one another if the other didn’t care.
Parent: Why did you punch Ashlee?
Child: Because I felt like it/Because she deserved it/Because I wanted to see her cry.
Logically, “Because she deserved it” would explain the punch (cause-effect, action-reaction) from the Child’s perspective. Ashlee may disagree with the justification for being on the receiving end of the punch; she may not even cry or tell. Would the Child still want to mess with Ashlee without the satisfaction of seeing immediate manifestation of tears or threats to tell?
With the exception of instances where an offender cannot appreciate the moral and legal consequences of his* actions, would a person be as compelled to inflict physical/mental harm onto another person if the intended victim does not shows signs of distress?
Yes. I think so… some people enjoy seeing other people suffer physically and mentally. Other people interpret the lack of response as getting-away-with-it.
Browsing the home pages of Sports Illustrated, ESPN, and NFL has inspired the question of whether or not casual sports fans of the 1980s and 1990s could as enthusiastically inform themselves of particular sports headlines without having to read the paper, listen to the radio (a lot), or ask hard-core sports fans (a lot)? User-generated, blogger-disseminated, and journalistic wire feeds have increased the information available in the digital landscape. No argument there. Nonetheless, I am curious about how the late 20th Century fan would rate his info-gathering experiences vs. the 21st Century fan.
* I’m using “his” in a gender neutral sense.
PS. I think Rob Delaney is fantasizing about wearing a tux and belting out more tunes at Carnegie Hall. I wouldn’t mind listening to him sing a version of High Enough by the Damn Yankees or I’ll Remember You by Skid Row.
I’ve seen ponies and donkeys, have driven past farms with horses and cows in the suburbs surrounding Atlanta, but until today I had never seen a horse up close. Until today, I had never touched a horse. I was mesmerized and felt at peace. What is it about horses that can affect a person in this way? Their gaze? Their grace?
This one is an eight year-old male named Toffy. He works at Medieval Times. When he is thirteen or fourteen years-old and reaching retirement age, he will be relocated to a gigantic ranch in Texas….according to his “handler.”
I don’t know his name but I really wanted to braid his hair. I believe he said it took four years to grow his hair out long enough to touch his clavicle.
It was a good day.