A few years ago I posted about a book called Insults & Comebacks, a collection of witticisms that bite and punch. They are hilarious and depending on one’s delivery, the lines could come off as just the right amount of dry humor:
“I’ve had a lot to drink, and you still don’t look good.”
“Just because you can’t smell it doesn’t mean the rest of us aren’t suffering.”
“We’ve taken a vote: you’re trying too hard.”
“You still think you can be anything you want–and get paid for it.”
“Your lack of experience is matched only be your surplus of ego.”
“Ignorance can be cured. Stupid is forever.”
“It’s not the technology–it’s you.”
Today, I came across this thread on Reddit about insults and found even more awesome ways of saying some unkind things that are funnier than they are plain mean.
Why are you playing so hard to get when you’re already hard to want?
You’re the dollar menu version of your father.
The only way for you to get laid is to crawl up a chicken’s ass and wait.
If you were any more inbred you’d be a sandwich.
You’re so ugly, your portraits hang themselves.
May you inherit a house with a thousand rooms and be found dead in every one of them.
Your teeth look like they’re throwing gang-signs.
I would ask you what your problem is, but you probably can’t pronounce it.
Does your ass get jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth?
You’ll never be the man your mother is!
You’re as useful as a screen door on a submarine
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb to your ego and jump down to your IQ.
I’ve had worse things said about me by better people.
I’d call you a cunt but you lack warmth and depth.